Not Quite All-Star Material

I've been in a bit of a dry spell with the blog. Who knows why we've had this high pressure system for so long, but I've decided to go ahead and rain some words down for y'all.
(Y'all? I don't know either. Just go with it.)

So, in honor of my trying to return to form, I'm going to tell you a little story.

As stated previously, I'm currently working in pediatrics. It's been a really good experience thus far, and there have been some really interesting cases and children. This seems to be a general trend in medicine. As much as any other profession, it offers wonderful examples that solidify the simple truth that people do interesting things (to say the least).

[Exhibit A: The man who was ruthless attacked by a pasta noodle.]

When kids are added into this mix the results can truly take off. I just imagine all the things adults are capable of and add in the non-existent social rules that govern children. They will say and do just about anything.

Picture yourself as a young medical student. You're in clinic and seeing a hilariously talkative 4 year old Boy who's at the doctor for throwing up. After checking things out with Mom and Boy you go present the case to Doctor. (Boy, by the way, is essentially healthy. The source of his emesis? Eating too many bed time snacks. No joke.) Upon returning to the room with Doctor in tow, Doc and Mom proceed to talk some things out. You, as Medical Student, are sitting quietly on the stool and observing. At this point, Boy is quietly sitting on the footstool and intently looking back and forth between You and Doctor. Boy then slides his stool up to you, right in your grill (medical term). He leans in -leading you to lean in, as if you're sharing a secret- and, looking at Doctor, asks:

Boy: Is tha'chya Momma or ya Gran Momma?

You: *Blank Stare* (trying not to laugh)

You: What?

Boy (much more intently, while motioning with his head): Is tha'chya Momma or ya Gran Momma?

You: What? Neither! That's the doctor!

If you can come up with a fitting reply to that, I welcome it for the future. Another scene from the same visit:
"What do you normally eat for a bedtime snack?" the Doctor asks.

Boy pauses, as if this is some kind of a trick. He boldly replies,

"Oatmeal!"

Her brow furrows in disbelief.

"Oatmeal?" she says.
A grin slowly creeps across the boy's face.

"Cookies!" he quickly adds.

This was obviously a very entertaining visit. Occasionally, however, the excitement comes not from the patient but the doctor. Or, in this case, the medical student.

I suppose I should just come out and say it.

I hit a kid in the face.

And made him cry.

I know what you're thinking:

But that is not the case (kind of). Let me explain. Kids are fussy. It's a fact of life. So sick children are especially fussy (by "children" I more accurately mean this 11 month old.) I was working with another medical student who was trying to listen to this child's lungs. The child was unhappy and crying. Let me tell you, it's hard to hear breath sounds when they're being dominated by loud wailing. To help with this, I pulled my ID badge (clipped to my white coat on a retractable...badge...clip) and was loosely holding it in front of said screaming child to function as a distraction.
This is what I'm talking about. Although mine isn't FBI. Sadly.

It worked. Seriously. It often does. The kid starts playing with the badge, and boom, no more crying. Unfortunately, the aforementioned retractable badge clip felt that now was the most opportune time to become UNclipped from my white coat. This resulted in it rocketing from my hand and hitting the first thing in its path...

...the kid's face.

A reenactment of what may have happened.

I know! I know! I'm a terrible person. Needless to say, I went ahead and left the room at that moment. The boy was unhappy and me being within sight of him wasn't going to help. In my defense, however, it was the card and not the heavy retractable part that hit him. When it was all said and done he was alright and not worse for wear.

Kid's are resilient, right? Especially in the facial...region.

Until next time.